Raising Confident Daughters with Nellie Harden

In this episode of the Mom Owned and Operated podcast, Rita Suzanne and Nellie Harden discuss raising a family, running a business and remembering yourself.

Nellie is a wife, mother to 4 teenage daughters, and an author and speaker in the space of Family Life & Leadership. Her work has a twofold focus. First, she is helping parents love & lead their daughters in a way that teaches them to love & lead themselves by building a strong foundation of worth, esteem & confidence in them all before they leave home! 

Second, she works toward restoring, or building for the very first time, this same foundation in adult women who didn’t have this built in their formative childhood or were robbed of it from trauma in their lives. Her background is in biology and psychology, from humpbacks to humans, and she has invested decades of her life into personal, family, Christian faith, and leadership development. 

Most of all, she believes the best way to change the world is through one living room at a time!

You can connect with Nellie on her website, on Instagram, Facebook Group, and YouTube.

Chapters

• 0:27 Building Confidence in Young Women
• 14:08 Balancing Work and Well-Being
• 26:49 Prioritizing Self-Care and Movement

Transcript

Rita Suzanne: 0:28

Hi, this is Mom Owned and Operated. I'm Rita, suzanne, and today I have my guest, nellie, with me. Nellie, I'm so excited to chat with you. Please tell everyone all about you, your business and your family.

Nellie Harden: 0:40

Goodness, let's take the next 24 hours. No, I'm just kidding. So yeah, my name is Nellie Harden. Hello everyone, thank you for having me on the show. And yeah, so I live in Coastal North Carolina with my family of six, and so it's my husband and I and we have four daughters who are all teenagers right now. So they are 14, 16, 16 and 19. And so to say we're busy is the biggest understatement ever. Always big things happening. So as of this year, we have everyone in high school and college. So big things always happening.

Nellie Harden: 1:19

But I started way back in, you know, 20 plus years ago. My background is in biology and psychology and, believe it or not, I actually was going into marine mammology and I did and that was my how I wanted to use biology and psychology and understanding behavior. And I did that for a while and it was a beautiful experience and I loved it and got to go on the high seas in Australia and study humpbacks and do all the things. But I met my now husband when I was 18 and he is a nine to five computer guy. Okay, so my high seas adventures and his nine to five computer guy, especially when we, after we got married, we wanted to start having kids did not really mesh, and so I started doing some veterinary work and things like that. And when I got pregnant with twins anyone listening with twins understands I was like, ok, I'm retiring from animal work, I have enough animals that I have at home that I need to take care of and so I came home.

Nellie Harden: 2:23

But within a year after coming home and now I have, you know, three under three my husband got really sick and he has a heart condition we didn't know about, and he for about two years he was in and out of hospitals, on and off of medications, and in that time I really had to dive in and do a lot of work inside myself. We had to prepare for what could happen, and so I had to have really strong communication, even with my two to four year old during that time, and obviously with my husband as well, and we had to make some really big changes within our family dynamics and our positive disciplines that we were having. So that was really the start of my transition from, you know, humpbacks to humans, if you will. And so I took that time he had heart surgery we almost lost one of our daughters a few weeks after that and from a drowning accident, and so we went through a lot of things around 2008 to 2010.

Nellie Harden: 3:32

And after that, around 2012, I really started using and my family and I were. We started going to church and we started to know the Lord around 2010. But I was just really called around 2012. Okay, you've done this for your family for now, the last four years. It's time to go out and share with others and I was like, oh, what, what do you mean? And but that's really how it started and getting out there and it's really been all about growth and positive disciplines, because I was a young woman that left home at 17 to go off to college and you know, I moved seven hours away from home and I didn't see my family for months after that and I wasn't a person that really had an internal structure of worth, esteem or confidence when I went off into this great adventure.

Nellie Harden: 4:28

And as a woman especially young men as well, but especially as a woman when you do that, you end up chasing your worth anywhere you can find it, and that is what happened to me, going down every shiny corridor that said come here and I will give you value, come here and I will give you worth.

Nellie Harden: 4:46

It was an outside in, not an inside out, and that really led to some very hurtful things that happened way back when I was 17, 18 years old that have taken decades to heal from, and in the meantime, now I have four daughters within that time to raise up.

Nellie Harden: 5:02

So, as an adult going through my husband's illness infertility that we also went through having four kids in four years you know that we did.

Nellie Harden: 5:11

I was also on a very personal, very vulnerable healing journey of my own in order to face things that happened but also rebuild my foundation of worth, esteem and confidence. So when I was then turning around and looking at my daughters, I was like I need to build this in them during their formidable years, during when their, when their brain function is still connecting right Ours still is too. Absolutely. We have some neuroplasticity, but nothing like we have when we're in adolescence, and so that's really where it started. And a number of years after that, I started developing strategies for myself, as a woman that had to build or rebuild things, and then also as people that are raising up the next generation, be it a parent or a youth leader, a teacher, a coach or what have you. How can we set up an actual blueprint to help these young women grow with this foundation, but also make it to individuate to all their own personal needs, desires, personalities, developments, et cetera. So that's what I've been doing ever since and what I do today.

Rita Suzanne: 6:29

So do you work with people one to one or do you have group programs Like how exactly is everything structured?

Nellie Harden: 6:37

So I do both. I have a group program that is self-guided, called Take the Lead. It's all about loving and leading her to a place that she loves and leads herself before she leaves home, and so that one you can get on and you can lead yourself through. And what's great about that, it's lifetime access. And so you know, anyone that's raised a child, and especially a young woman, knows you know how they are at eight is different than nine, different than 13, different. So it's a program you can always go back and revisit.

Nellie Harden: 7:07

And I'll be honest, you know I developed this program and then I was going through a rough time myself. I went through my own program and I was like, okay, now I know you know how to do it, because when you put this together, then going through it as as a person in need of it, it's a much different process. So I can attest to it from the writer's perspective and also from the person that's been through it. But anyway, so that is self-guided and you can always go back to that as a resource. I highly recommend if you have a daughter anywhere between six and, honestly, around 23, 25, that is where you want to be and have access to that.

Nellie Harden: 7:44

And then I also have one-on-one that I do on a more limited basis for obvious reasons of time and things, but I do have a limited amount of space for one-on-one clients to have as well, and I do that pretty much worldwide UK, canada, us, et cetera, and so Australia and things like that. So, yeah, one-on-one and group work to fit whatever need that you're having at the time. And a lot of times what that looks like is someone goes through the group program and they're they're doing this and they're guiding, but they run into a snag, a personal snag, a very specific snag, and they're like can we have some one-on-one time? And if you're in the program you get discounted on that one-on-one time versus if you're not in that program as well.

Rita Suzanne: 8:31

So has the group program or one-on-one which one has been, or any other thing has been the game changer for you as far as profitability in your business? What has been the best?

Nellie Harden: 8:46

for you I would say the group program, just because it's unlimited. Right, it's out there, it's unlimited and you can do that and the one-on-ones have also been very profitable and giving and value giving, but it's just more limited because I can only do that on a couple of days a week because I'm also, you know, an author, I'm writing a book, you know, I'm doing all these other things and I speak a lot, and so that one is just more time limited.

Rita Suzanne: 9:15

And so that one is just more time limited. Yeah, so, okay, so that has been your biggest source has that been your biggest source of revenue to date.

Nellie Harden: 9:24

The group program yes, I would also say I co-authored a book and then I also have a scripture journal out as well, and so those are also great streams of value and income coming in. But yeah, I would definitely say it is the group program.

Rita Suzanne: 9:43

I love that. So what's been the most valuable financial lesson that you could share with other mom owned businesses?

Nellie Harden: 9:52

You know, I would say, to just go with your gut, because and I say that because I've been through business coaching programs, several of them you know three big ones you invest all this money into as a mom, you know, entrepreneur, a woman entrepreneur and I invested, you know, thousands into them. And then they're like, oh well, you should sell your program at $10,000. And I invested, you know, thousands into them. And then they're like, oh well, you should sell your program at $10,000. And I'm like, really, you know, not that, I don't think it has, that doesn't have that value, because I mean, honestly, I think it's priceless. I wish people could go home from the hospital with their daughters with this program in hand. It is so valuable. With their daughters with this program in hand, it is so valuable.

Nellie Harden: 10:42

But I also want to make impact out there and I did a wonderful survey of I don't even I think it was like 400 people worldwide. I took months to do it and this was about two years ago. And you know what are the challenges you're running into, what are some resources that you wish were out there, what are the biggest hurdles that you're facing as a parent or things that you're scared of? Right, all these things. And I knew, and you know, one of the questions too was what would you be able to or willing to pay for something like this? And there's no way. I think maybe two of that 400 people were like I can surely slap down $10,000, right. And it just didn't feel right in my gut to have this beautiful value, you know, packed program out there that could only go to a couple of people.

Rita Suzanne: 11:35

Yeah, I think that oftentimes, unfortunately, some of these business coaches get into that that mindset of you know, if it's not super expensive, then it's not. You're not really valuing yourself or your program or anything like that, and they're not taking into consideration who your target audience is, and your target audience of parents don't really have $10,000 to slap down on a course, Right? I don't think that most of them are willing to do that, especially as a parent myself.

Nellie Harden: 12:09

Yeah, exactly, exactly. And so, yeah, just just follow your, follow your gut and say what would you know if I were in the shoes of my target audience which, by the way, we should all be in the shoes of our target audience, right, or have been at some point so we can truly relate and understand what they need? But what would I could, high could I have done in order to invest in something that would help me in this way? And it honestly took me years, because I had so many people barking in my ears to jack up the prices, keep going up, keep going up, keep going up. My course is 50 videos and all of these resources and things, because it's lifelong and they're like oh you, there's no way you can have that for less than $10,000. I was like, but then I can't help her and her and her and her, so yeah.

Rita Suzanne: 13:04

Yeah, no, I agree. I think that you know. I think that knowing your target audience is super important, but also knowing their pain points and knowing their buyer behaviors. But also knowing their pain points and knowing their buyer behaviors Buyer behaviors are really good insights to take a look into and knowing how your target audience buys is really critical. And knowing like, do they research a lot before they buy, Do they compare, Do they read reviews All of these things are super critical. So let's move on. We talked a little bit before, we pressed record about marketing and we talked about social media. But what is one marketing tactic or strategy that you're doing right now that's kind of working for your business, Because I know that we're having some issues over here with Facebook and Instagram.

Nellie Harden: 13:59

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So one of the biggest things that I I did was just come on and be honest. There is again. So many people will try to tell you oh, this is the algorithm, do this and you have to post at this time and you need to. You know, go out and search. They just give you this whole laundry list of things that need to do, but it honestly didn't fit into my life and especially the work that I'm doing and I am bringing life and breathing life into these families and these women in order to build worth, esteem and confidence. I was finding my own depleting by being on there so much and following all these quote-unquote rules which, honestly, were antiquated. The second I got them Because, as I was telling you, I was at a conference earlier and they said that the algorithm for meta changes every five seconds and I was like, well, for goodness sakes, by the time I get you know, someone learns this and comes up with a curriculum for it and teaches me. I'm a good six to 12 months out of you know this algorithm and so it's very antiquated, and so I just had to do what was right for me and but also being professional about it and understand.

Nellie Harden: 15:17

Give yourself parameters and boundaries. You know, have social media. Be a part of your business in business hours. Don't leak it out to everywhere you go, because you'll feel like you're always on there, right? And so one of the best things I was able to do is I give myself one hour each day, monday through Friday, not on the weekends. It doesn't mean I don't go on there on the weekends to just check out things, but business wise, I give myself one hour and that is for content creation and posting, and I do that for myself from 10 to 11 AM Monday through Friday. And then I'm like okay, I did it and it's good.

Nellie Harden: 15:58

Now I'll also say right now, which isn't actually recommended, but for my own mental health and prosperity for this summer, because, again, I have four teenage daughters.

Nellie Harden: 16:12

One of them is home from university and summertime is very busy and very, very precious in my family. So for me, I told my all of my communities in at the end of May that June 1st to August 12th I am going to be off of here and I miss you and I will, you know, be gathering information. I've taken this time. I've read over 16 books, you know, in this time, and it's really my time to step back and, you know, assess, really take in what we're doing as a family and also trajectory I want to go to. So it's been really nice to take that step back, that step back. But if you do that, make sure you tell your audience that you're doing that and you don't just disappear because they're you know people will go there after they hear you and be like, oh well, she doesn't do anything on here and that's not true. So be sure you have something out there.

Rita Suzanne: 17:06

So could we say that your marketing strategy is more so podcast podcasting like interviews and speaking appearances versus like posting on social media. Would you say that's more in alignment with your strategy?

Nellie Harden: 17:21

Yeah, 100%. I do a lot of speaking, and I probably speak two to three times a week and do it that way. I love collecting people's stories. I'm just a story girl and I love to share my story if it helps others, but also I love just connecting with people and collecting their stories as well, and so it's just how I work, and so that's a part of being a business owner is understanding yourself and how you work.

Nellie Harden: 17:55

And you know something I teach and work with. You know your identity is not something you go and find per se. You know. It isn't somewhere out in a field of daisies that you're like, which one is me? I think that one is me. It is not something you go and find. It is something you build, though, and so sit down with yourself, journal, really have time to think and clear the space in your head and say, okay, where do I actually want to go, and then build the steps in order to get there, and then you will have so much more clarity than you ever had before. But instead of the outside in, with everybody telling you what you should do, figure out where you want to go and go there, and, if you, quiet the mind and get there and have that clarity you'll be able to get there.

Rita Suzanne: 18:47

I love that you said that, because something that I've been talking about lately is about over. Overworking. Right, Like you're working, I think a lot of moms, a lot of us moms, do this. We, we work so much. We're constantly doing something, whether it's work or around the house, and we really don't give ourselves enough space to just be right. You just sit and be.

Rita Suzanne: 19:14

And so I heard this analogy and it kind of fits in and I'm just going to sneak in real fast and and tell it, because I think that it's kind of goes along with what you're saying. And so there's this you can either be the cow or you can be the lion, right. And. And so I'm always telling myself, like, be the lion, be the lion right. And so, with the cow, the cow, the way the cow is gathering its food, it's constantly like walking around, grazing, getting its food.

Rita Suzanne: 19:46

And if we look at the way that a lot of us work, we're constantly working right. If we're not on our computers, we're on our phones, we're constantly have our minds engaged with something. And but, conversely, the way the lion works and the way the lion hunts for its food, it sits and it waits, and that way it's resting, and then when it's time it's ready and it pounces and it goes after, and then it goes after its food and eats because it's reserving its energy, and then it's able to go. And I think that a lot of times if we are not reserving our energy, then we cannot go right, like then we're moving at the speed of the cow. So true.

Rita Suzanne: 20:35

Yeah, and so I love that. And so I'm constantly telling myself, like you know, be the lion, be the lion, because otherwise in my mind I'm just such a, I'm just so driven that it's so hard for me sometimes to turn that off you know and um, and then I get burnt out because I'm like, oh, there's not enough on my plate, Like I need five more of them over here out, because I'm like, oh, there's not enough on my plate Like I need five more of them over here, you know.

Rita Suzanne: 20:59

So it's just something that I've been working on and, yeah, so.

Nellie Harden: 21:08

That's so good. Just this morning I so I live on the coast in North Carolina and I just came back from a family vacation and we were down at the ocean in the Caribbean and I I came back and I was like I live at the ocean and I do not go there nearly enough. So I dropped my youngest daughter off at camp this morning and I drove one mile down the road and I got out and I took a two mile walk right on the beach and I'm like, why do I not do this more often? And I just had my AirPods in and it was beautiful.

Nellie Harden: 21:39

It was like storming off in the distance but not on me, and I was just listening to great music and I was like, okay, I need to do this a lot more often. But it was the first time in a while that I had just, you know, just been, because normally if I'm walking I'm listening to a book or what have you, and I'm getting more and more and more information in. But today I was like you know what? I'm tempted, but I am not going to listen to a book, I am not going to take any information in, I'm just going to listen to music and let it be, and it was so great, so great.

Rita Suzanne: 22:12

Yeah, I love that. Okay, so that kind of goes. It goes hand in hand with what my next question is, which is how do you define success in your business? Is it solely based on financial, or is there some other factor in which we kind of already spoke about this? But let us know.

Nellie Harden: 22:32

It's definitely not based off of financial. I have a very impact-driven business and so I mean I'm not going to lie, the financial is great and it's what helps. I mean, I have four kids to send to college, you know. So there's a lot to be said there. But for me, you know, I volunteer. I am just a servant person at heart. I always have been and so if I can get out there and make my words and actions matter and impact somebody and help their lives better for it, then that is what success is. For me, it is being in line with my gifts and my talents and my calling, and if I can do that, then that is success.

Rita Suzanne: 23:19

I agree. Okay, so let's talk about your favorite tools. Is there a favorite tool, app, software or something that you use in your business that kind of helps create more efficiency in your life that you want to share?

Nellie Harden: 23:34

I. So there's two I want to mention. And number one it's so silly, but it's just paper. Honestly, I am a paper girl. I mean, I, on my desk right here, I have five. I have a spiral notebooks, I have a journal, I have my schedule, I have everything. And there's something about the brain connection when you write something down that really is just so powerful, it gets in there deeper.

Nellie Harden: 23:57

And also journaling, which I think is really, really important. I think everyone needs to do it, and my youngest daughter is 14. And you know, if anyone in our family has ADHD, it's going to be her right. She's just all over the place and the furthest thing from her mind that she wants to do is journal. But I was like listen, this thing from her mind that she wants to do is journal, but I was like listen. When you're speaking and when you're thinking, your mind is going so fast and if you write things down, it will force you to go slower and think about, actually think about what you're saying and what's coming in and what you're putting out into the world, and so it's really important to to do that and help you.

Nellie Harden: 24:37

Just, you know, there's there's this, uh, my very first blog. I ever wrote, ages and ages ago, was called consolidated chaos, and that's what I think our brains are. Each one of us consolidated chaos in there, especially a woman, and so, um, having that journaling is really important. So paper, honestly, for scheduling and all the things, but an electronic thing that I really love is Trello. I use Trello a lot because I just need to organize my thoughts, and I love it. You could just drag and drop it and put this here and there and so and it's free, I so Trello is something that I highly recommend. And, of course, dropbox. I honestly don't know where I'd be without Dropbox. So, yeah, those would be what I'd recommend.

Rita Suzanne: 25:22

I love it. So, since we talked about, what are you listening to or reading right now, since we talked about when you're usually walking, what are you listening to or reading?

Nellie Harden: 25:34

I am usually listening to anything from, uh, my fellow companions that are authors that are out there writing in this space. Um, leadership, because all, all of my work leads up to being a self-disciplined leader of your own life, and so I read a lot on leadership. Right now I'm, uh reading John Maxwell's 21 laws of leadership. Um, I, I've met him. He's great. I've read several of his books, so that's the one I'm reading right now. But, yeah, I listen to a lot of my colleagues and their work too, just because I want to be able to put out there and meet them and collaborate with them in order to create bigger impact. So my one of my daughters, my all my daughters, are big readers and they, of course, in their you know life right now, read a lot of fiction and they're like mom, why don't you read fiction? I was like, oh, girlfriend, I have no time for fiction. Like, real life is spicy enough like oh girlfriend, I have no time for fiction.

Nellie Harden: 26:38

Like real life is spicy enough. You know, like I need, I'm getting all the nonfiction. I will maybe sometime in my future get back to fiction, but it is not that season for me right now.

Rita Suzanne: 26:47

I'm with you. I haven't read any fiction in forever. It's always like business or self-care related, you know, like growth wherever you know that may be, and it's been like that for years, but okay. So the last question that I always ask is what are you doing for self-care, what are you doing just for you?

Nellie Harden: 27:09

For me it's I'm an introvert and so I have to have alone time and movement every day, and so if I don't have those two things, then it's the day quite literally derails for me. So I need some time in the morning where I'm doing my quiet time, I'm journaling, I'm reading, and then I have to have movement in there every day. And you know, back when I was talking about and my husband got so sick, movement became such an integral part of my life. I know because we didn't know if he was going to make it or stay around, and so I even though growing up it wasn't such a huge part I knew I need to move every day if I'm going to be here for my kids, grandkids, maybe great grandkids, right, and so that's just really ingrained in me at this point.

Rita Suzanne: 28:03

I think super important. Ok, so where can everyone find you? Where are you at?

Nellie Harden: 28:10

I like to keep it simple. So everything is at Nellie Harden dot com, so that's just N-E-L-L-I-E-H-A-R-D-E-N dot com, and you'll find the resources, the books, the programs, the one on ones and all my social communities on there as well, and you can sign up if you have if you do have any young women in your life that you help, whether you're a teacher, youth leader, parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, et cetera that every Friday, um I will be putting out a newsletter and a a? Um a new guide for you every Friday.

Rita Suzanne: 28:47

Love it. Thank you so much for being guests.

Nellie Harden: 28:49

Yeah, thank you so much for having me.