Motherhood on Your Terms with Casey Tabolt

In episode of the Mom Owned and Operated podcast, Rita Suzanne and Casey Tabolt discuss raising a family, running a business and remembering yourself.

Casey Tabolt is a Jai Institute for Parenting, Whole Person and ICF certified coach  and Brainspotting practitioner who helps moms of neurodivergent children confidently meet the needs of their children and themselves so that they can help their children thrive.

Just as importantly, Casey is a mom of two beautiful children. One neurodivergent and the other currently undiagnosed. She is also a survivor of Guillian Barre Syndrome (GBS) and knows firsthand how the pressures and demands of motherhood and parenting a special needs child can rob you of enjoying your kids (and your sanity), if you let it!

Casey is on a mission to create a network of support for parents of neurodivergent children that allows them to have access to a holistic approach to treating and overcoming the unique challenges they face all while supporting them to nurture and support their children to become the amazing humans they were born to be.

You can find her at:: caseytabolt.com
Instagram:: instagram.com/caseytaboltcoaching
Facebook:: facebook.com/caseytaboltcoaching

Listen to more interviews by visiting momownedandoperated.com and apply to work with Rita at ritasuzanne.com/apply/

Transcript

Rita Suzanne  

Welcome to the mom owned and operated podcast, the podcast about moms and for moms, where we have candid conversations about running a business, raising a family, and remembering ourselves. I'm your host, Rita Suzanne, a single mom of four, digital strategist, and provider of no nonsense business strategies and tactics. Hi, I'm Rita Suzanne. And this is mom owned and operated. And today I have my friend Casey with me, and I'm so excited to learn all about you, Casey and more about being a mom and having self care. Can you tell us more about you? And all of the things like more about you, your family, your business, etc? 

Casey Tabolt  

Of course. So my name is Casey Tabolt. I'm a motherhood coach. And I help moms who are overwhelmed and depleted kind of reconnect to themselves, reconnect to their families and start living lives that they can't wait to wake up to, and that are really joy filled. Mm hmm. I have two kids. I have a son Tucker, who's seven. And I have a daughter Eleanor, who's four. Yep, so I'm right in the thick of it, and so forth. Yes, we, we homeschool? I do all my coaching from home. And I have like a small farm with two dogs and three cats and a rabbit and 10 chickens. 

Rita Suzanne  

Oh, my goodness. 

Casey Tabolt  

That's just chaos. Yeah, it is a lot. 

Rita Suzanne  

Oh, okay. So since you have such a crazy day, like, give us an example of what you how a day looks for you a normal day,

Casey Tabolt  

we'll usually wake up to screaming kids. I mean, I am a mom. So that person, unfortunately doesn't change too much. And then we kind of we just ease into our day, we have members to talk about what we're going to do for the day, the kids usually have like their half hour of, of screen time, and then trying to limit it like a PBS show. Because otherwise they're just like, off the rails, right? 

Rita Suzanne  

And then getting them to stop is is hard, right? 

Casey Tabolt  

Yes, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, huge part of self care, by the way. Yeah, and then we we go right into, like, books, we do a lot, we do more of like an unschooling approach. So our days are pretty relaxed, and we just kind of go with the flow and, and do experiential learning. It was a little bit easier during when COVID wasn't a thing, but 

Rita Suzanne  

I was gonna say it has to be harder now. Because you can't go anywhere and do like activities and stuff. 

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah, I mean, we kind of live out in the middle of nowhere. So there's not really a whole lot to do around here anyway, right? Unfortunately, we have a huge yard. And like I said, we have a ton of animals. So there's something going on. 

Rita Suzanne  

Oh, that's true. I always, like I said, I admire anybody who's able to homeschool and run a business and, you know, and take care of themselves. So give me some examples of what a mom can do. Like I what I see is like a lot of these moms, they start their businesses, and then they just get all consumed into their business and forget themselves. So what do you think like, what are some samples of what they could do?

Casey Tabolt  

Well, my biggest thing is self care needs to start on the inside. And self care is as unique to you, as you are to the rest of the world. There is no one size fits all self care. And in order to, to really connect to that we have to be able, we have to be willing to listen to what our body is telling us. We have to be able to connect to that part of ourselves. And we have to be able to be intentional about the things that we're creating. So for me, that starts with having a mindset of self care. So it's it's not about making sure that I exercise three times a week, or that I go get a monthly massage, or it's not about any of the things that are scheduled. It's about where can I fit moments into my day, that make me feel like I'm a human, right? Whether we're a mom, we get relegated, right? Or the bottom right? We go all the way to the bottom of the list. And then when we're a business owner, the business creeps up ahead of everybody else on the list too. So even if the kids are still at the top, we're still not anywhere near where we need to be. Right? So starting with that mindset of self care and really honing in on where can I make myself feel the best I possibly can throughout the day. Is that starting my day with me Is that journaling? while the kids have their screen time? Is that spending a little bit extra on the really good tea that I like to drink? Because it's an experience for me, right? Is it like, having some good skincare? Because Damn, like. what ways can I nourish myself? So that's one of the huge pieces of that, that self care mindset is like taking the time to ask what's gonna nourish me in this moment. 

Rita Suzanne  

So what I'm hearing is more. So it's like really taking the time because a lot of times, we're just like running through our days, like going being bing, bing, and just bouncing all over the place. I know I do. And so like really just slowing down, like you said, figuring out what's good for you what's going to help you. And it's not even like a lot of people. It's like, oh, once a week I do this, you know, but you're saying, let's do this daily, let's do something daily to help us. 

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah, and it's not, it's not even just daily, it's moment by moment, we need to be able to check in and say, I'm feeling like so miserable. Right now. I'm feeling like, I really want to snap at my kid, or I am feeling so stressed out about trying to get this website up and running, or trying to hire this VA or whatever it happens to be in our business. Like, what can I do? Right now? 

Rita Suzanne  

give myself a timeout, right? I'm gonna go. Right, basically. 

Casey Tabolt  

And just check in with those things. And it may not be and may not be anything big, it may be like, Oh, God, I just need to, like, 

Rita Suzanne  

give me five minutes, right? Like, I know, people who go and sit in their cars just to get the break. And, you know, give me 10 minutes to go do this. And like we before, like I said, Before, I got on here as did a 15 minute nap just so that I could, you know, finish the rest of my day. And it's, you know, it's five o'clock in the evening. You know, but I don't care. I needed it.

Casey Tabolt  

you know, and, and that's the thing. It's being unapologetic about what we need. It's so important, I think, for us, as women to be able to stake that claim, because we're taught so often that our needs don't matter. And that caregiver, right, we have to put everybody else first and oh, you'll get your time after everybody else has had theirs, right. And that's BS, because if we're not taking care of ourselves, if we're not putting ourselves in that position to show up in our most resourced, Best place. How, how are we supposed to serve? How are we supposed to give people the love effectively, right? 

Rita Suzanne  

Because otherwise, you're so stressed out? You're like you said, you're screaming or yelling, you're just beating and sometimes that can lead to like health issues and other things that are not not good. 

Casey Tabolt  

Which is exactly what I had happened. Oh, really? Yeah. Four years ago, I was diagnosed with youngberry syndrome. So I was running two Etsy shops, I had a newborn, and three year old, you just bought our first house, everything was kind of coming together. And my husband was working crazy hours. And I was just so utterly depleted. And then it was then my husband's Father asik. And it was kind of like the straw that broke the camel's back. 

Rita Suzanne  

Right. I was just like one more thing. I just need one more thing. 

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah. And everything started crumbling down. And I ended up with Guillian Barre Syndrome, which is autoimmune disease. And it strips the myelin coating of your nerves. I was completely paralyzed. They spent three months in the hospital on life support, wow, I had to learn how to walk and talk and eat and like do the whole nine all over again. So I am on a huge mission to save moms having to go through that, like let's create a revolution. Right here. Moms feel empowered, to step into their purpose, to run the business to do the thing. Because they're taking care of themselves, right. And let's set that example for our kids. Let's show them what it looks like to live a life well lived. I show them what it looks like to take care of ourselves. Because we can tell them all day long, right? You know that you take care of yourself, you need to exercise you need to eat well. But if we're not doing those things for ourselves, right? Either we're lying and you don't really have to do that. Or we're a big hypocrite. Right? 

Rita Suzanne  

It's most likely the hypocrite right? So when I say that what I do 

Casey Tabolt  

so, so I think we owe it to ourselves first and foremost, but I know for most moms our kids are such huge motivators for Right, right. 

Rita Suzanne  

I feel like that's why and that's why most moms start their business right? It's so that they can be home with their kids which is what happened with me like I'm This is not my first business. But it was the longest business that I've had, you know, because my motivation was there. Like, I wanted to be home with my kids, I can't tell you how many people said to me that I needed to go back to corporate, you need to do this for the security, especially when I went through my divorces, you know, so as I had to in the amount of time, but, you know, it was like, Oh, you need to go back so that you can have the security, but I just knew what was best for me. And I said, No, I'm not, I'm not going to go back. But unfortunately, that led to a lot of long nights, a lot of neglect of myself. And so then I, you know, I didn't get sick or anything, but I could, I would just burn out, you know, it'd be the middle of the day and a Tuesday, Tuesday, you know, 12, and I'm laying in bed for the next, you know, day and a half, you know, because I've burnt myself out. And so I had to start putting in some boundaries. And, you know, taking my phone off in my email from my phone, taking off on the weekends and not working, you know, things like that, so that I could actually have a life over having a business. 

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah. And I think like, 90% of self care is boundaries. Right? And we always think, especially as Mom, you have to set boundaries with our kids. Well, a lot of that is teaching them that mom matters, too. Right? Right. But when you have a business, it's like having a baby. Right? You know, your, your response for sure. Trying to get it to grow up, right? You're trying to get it to that next milestone. There's all of these analogies. Right now. There is the poopy diaper part of business. The whole nine. 

Rita Suzanne  

And unfortunately, you never grow out at the poopy diaper phase in business. Right.

Casey Tabolt  

Right. Exactly. Yeah. I'm sorry. But no, it's not your fault. I do it to myself all the time. Yes. 

Rita Suzanne  

So you were talking about the many phases of running a business and how you know, it's like a child and you're raising it up? You know, going through the different stages? 

Casey Tabolt  

Yes, and boundaries. So we often, we don't often think of it, but we need to set boundaries with our business too. Right? Right. When, when am I on? When am I in business, and one of my outside of that. And then over a lot of moms, especially ones that are trying to run their business at home with littles more who are homeschooling and trying to run a business, those lines get blurred, because like, oh, for a minute, let me just hop on and send this quick email or let me hop on and do this quick thing. But what we end up doing is dividing ourselves, and we don't give our full attention to the tasks that we're doing. And we don't give our full attention to the kids. And then we don't end up finding the lanes that we're in. We're not utilizingour our most. Yeah, so we're just kicked my light stand. And so we end up getting in this trap of, well, I don't switching back and forth between mom mode and business mode. And we're not our most resource self when, right? 

Rita Suzanne  

Because that happens to me as you as I mentioned, my kids are older, you know, between 10 and 13. And so I'll try to work while they're here. And what will happen is they'll come in, they'll start talking to me sharing my things, and I'm like, Can you just please give me 10 minutes so that I can finish this up. And instead of it taking 10 minutes, it takes 30 minutes because they keep coming and asking and wanting you know and needing that attention. And so you know, I see what you're saying. Because one, it takes me longer to do the thing that I need to do. And then two, it takes away from the time from them, right? Because I'm giving this thing more attention than them. 

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah, it's like, yep, split attention, to be fully present with whatever it is. And I know like with my kids in particular. And it's so hard to get out of that mindset when you're like, I just have this one thing to do, like, just give me that 10 minutes. But with little kids, it's often easier to just like, give them the time limit, right? And they'll get sick of you or something else. And then you'll be able to sit down and concentrate on what you need to do that. 

Rita Suzanne  

Well that's very true marriage like I you know, there's a difference. I started my business seven years ago and I just had my boys with me. And I remember I would be on my laptop and each one would be on one side and one would be on the other side just so they could sit next to me. They didn't want to do anything. They just want to sit next to me while I was on my computer and that would go on for hours, like, you know, they would get down in play, and then they'd come back and sit with me get to play, you know, but at that time, I was really bad at my boundaries, because I was trying so hard to make sure that this business was going to work. Because I had to prove it to everybody that I can make this happen. I can do this. I don't have to go back to corporate, you're wrong. You know what I mean? So I was so determined that I was, you know, workaholic. And like, like I said earlier is just definitely not healthy for anybody. So, you know, but then I was exercising and stuff a lot more than I am now, which is probably because of where I live in Ohio. I was in California during that time, so I was like walking and hiking every day.

Casey Tabolt  

actually go outside. Yeah, that makes a big difference. Yeah, sure. 

Rita Suzanne  

So before you started coaching, what were you doing?

Casey Tabolt  

I, well, I and another life. I was a natural resource biologist. And then I ended up there's like a weird series of events and ended up I sold fire hydrants for a small period of time and water meters, which is exactly as exciting as it sounds right. And, and then my company downsized, and I, I was home. And that's when we decided that we were going to start a family. And as soon as I got pregnant, I could not imagine going back to work, right. I couldn't even imagine it. And at that point, I had, like, had it with other people telling me what to do. I will nonconformist in that way. I just don't follow directions are very good. So, um, so I started a business, I made custom wedding invitations for a time at the shop. And I and I was just starting to gain momentum in the shop when you're done.

Rita Suzanne  

Yeah. And then after you got better, he's probably realized, like, this is something that has to change. 

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah, it just didn't feel sustainable anymore. I also had some physical limitations. Like I wasn't able to actually do the crafts that I ran my Etsy shop before. And it's actually a funny story. When I got out of the hospital, I had been wanting to dye my hair purple for quite a while. I also been wanting to get a tattoo. Oh, my God asleep because I have a tattoo on my foot. And I've been like, I don't know, you're getting nervous about it. And like, Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Right. And after that, I was like, screw it. I'm right. I don't I can't do all the things. All the things like when I'm doing everything I'm not waiting to live anymore, which is great. Yeah, so I dyed my hair purple. I got a full sleeve. And a couple other tattoos. And 

Rita Suzanne  

Was that your first one? Like the sleeve was like your first ever? 

Casey Tabolt  

No, I actually, I Oh, you have to foot one. Yep, I had the foot one. And yeah, I actually, I got a couple when I got out of the hospital. One of them is a hummingbird on my hand to remind me to, to follow my follow my interest wherever I go. I don't know if you're familiar with the talk by Elizabeth Gilbert, the flight of the hummingbird. 

Rita Suzanne  

Now what I love though, and it sounds 

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah, it's amazing. It's basically about like anybody who's having trouble finding what their purposes is. Some people don't have a set defined purpose. You know, some people know, like, from the time their bird or they know, right, Doctor, they're going to be a writer, but some of us are hummingbirds and we get interested in this thing. And we will go over there and do that. And then we get interested in something else move over there and do that. So that was really important for me. 

Rita Suzanne  

I felt like I need to go listen to that. Because that's me, like wrapped up in one sentence. 

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah. And it definitely takes the pressure off to be like, no, this is being an MD one right now. Right Thing. 

Rita Suzanne  

I used to say all the time when I was, you know, before I even started my business, like when I would come when I was out and I was you know, talking to other people. And they would ask, like, how did you get into design because I taught myself design. It wasn't something I went to school for. And I said, you know, here I am wanting to start my own business. And yet, I'm trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. And I was in my 30s you know, I had no idea like, you know, I'm like still, you know, I was still searching because I had tried all these things and they weren't really working for me. And even when I was working in corporate. I think the longest I ever stayed anywhere was two years because I would get bored And then I would leave, you know. And so then when, you know, I was gonna get my real estate license, and then, but then I got pregnant and I was like, I need to start my own thing, because when I was dropping my son off at daycare, I was crying every day, I hated it. Now drive away, just like I have to figure out what to do. So then I started, you know, doing all this research and everything. And I noticed one thing is that everybody needed a website. And I was like, I'm gonna teach myself how to make websites, it's gonna be amazing, it's gonna be so easy, I'm gonna make so much money. Little did I know, you know, what is involved in doing a website, let alone in online business and doing like, the marketing and, and all of the things that go into that. But you know, it was like, it was just like that, once I had my mind up, I'm going to be a designer, this is what I'm going to do. I just went for it. Because I was so sick of, like I said, not knowing what I was going to be as an adult. 

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah, and I think we get, we get stuck in that trap a lot. And I think for moms, in particular, there's, there's like, this double edged sword of, we want motherhood to be everything, you know, we want it to fulfill us in a way that nothing else ever had. Right? But then we also want to have value in the world outside of motherhood. So we're always kind of dancing that line. And some moms are completely 110% fulfilled by my by being just quote unquote, just a mom, right? You know, and, and some of us aren't. And some of us feel like they're better moms when they're outside of the home or when they're, and it's so personal. And it's really important, I think, for us to honor that and to be authentic and not try to fit into something that we we think that we 

Rita Suzanne  

societal norms or that we feel is like the way to be I agree, I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. But I always, you know, always wanted to have a business, you know, like, because I think I'm just so independent. I can never rely on anybody else to care for me. 

Casey Tabolt  

I can relate to that. Yeah, I when I when I got out of the hospital, and I was like, going through all of these changes, and I'm like, I'm living life, I'm doing the thing. It really called into question like, what's next for me, when I was actually headed to the hairdresser's one day. And it just hit me, like, out of the blue upside the head walking down the sidewalk. I think I'm a real like, woman. And like, when I sat down on their chair, she's like, What's new? And I'm like, Well, I think I'm gonna be a life coach. She's like, what's that? So I started talking about the whole thing. I had hired a coach before when I had had an Etsy shop, trying to figure out how to balance motherhood and business. And it just kind of snowballed from there. Like, within a week, I would, I had signed up for coaching school, and I was in the thing. And so over the last four years, I mean, I've gotten to certifications and coaching, like gun training, and a whole bunch of other healing modalities to kind of help break through some of the things that hold us back as moms. Yeah. And it's, yeah, it's really exciting to see where it's all heading. 

Rita Suzanne  

I love that. Because, you know, sometimes it's just so hard to really even figure out what you want to be, you know, and then when once you get it, it's just like, I'm gonna go for it. And I love that you moved so quickly, and you found something found a calling for you that I think that's what I was saying earlier. That's the way I felt with this was that, you know, I just thought of it and then I just went for it, you know, and I'm still trying, it's like, messy at this moment. It's like really messy, but I'm still going through and I'm still getting to, you know, to the part where, you know, it's going to be great. And, you know, I'm looking forward to that just because it's a new challenge. You know, I've been doing design for so long. I think that I was ready for a new thing. Yeah. Yeah. Not that I have quit it. You know what?

Casey Tabolt  

But those nudges though, that our intuition that's our soul shining through, right? Like, there's this thing that you were doing before, there's there's still more for you to do. And that's one of the things that shows up like the tagline on my website is mom and more coaching, because we are more than a mile long, right? And there's so much more to motherhood, like there's all this ways that more fits into it. And I have this whole philosophy about like the ampersand, I have an ampersand sign above my dad. We get to be and it's not either, or it's not where a mom or a business owner, mom and a business owner right now ever just a mom, you're a mom, and a human, right, a mom and a partner, you're there. 

Rita Suzanne  

It doesn't define you like solely.

Casey Tabolt  

Right? There's so much more to who you are and what you have to offer than just one thing. 

Rita Suzanne  

Yeah, I love that. Because, you know, it's hard. Sometimes I think for moms, they define themselves outside of being a mom. And, you know, I went through five years of infertility. And so, when I actually got pregnant, I really just couldn't even believe it, you know, but I had envisioned something more, like you said, there was something it was going to be greater than what I thought it was, I did not realize how hard it was to be a mom. And you know, that was even before I started running my, you know, started my business, but, you know, it's just like, you love this little human so much. You're just like, I'm gonna just do all the things for them. You know, but I remember like, I have a lot of business friends who are not moms. And so I think like, this was a calling for me, because I felt like the non mom, business owners, they can't understand the struggle that we have, with the, and I don't say balance, but you know, juggling all of these things that we have to deal with, and still, you know, coming out looking shiny and pretty. Not like we've been stomped on. 

Casey Tabolt  

Right? Yeah, just tough. Most days. It's really tough. Right? Yeah, I think there's, there's things generally speaking about parenting, there's just no way you could possibly know what it's going to do to you or for you until you experience it yourself. And in that, I found so many strengths that I didn't know that I had. I found I found this huge calling, and, and dedication to healing and to moving through the stories and to being better for my kids. And now that I'm, you know, further along on my journey, I'm recognizing that the importance of being able to do that for myself, right, but had I not had them there to cause that. Right. No reaction for that. Right. And I don't know if I ever would have done that for myself. 

Rita Suzanne  

Yeah, I agree with that. Because I and I always say to, since we're, you know, equating our business as a baby, but I always say that, if you ever have any issues in your life, like start a business, because they're gonna come front and center, and you're gonna have to deal with all of them, right? 

Casey Tabolt  

It will shine a light. like there's no tomorrow. 

Rita Suzanne  

And the same thing with being a being a parent, right? You see you you like see parts of yourself that you like, and then parts of yourself, then you're like, wait a minute, I need to fix this.

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah. Is that what I look like what I did?

Rita Suzanne  

And they remind you, you know, like, then you start feeling like your mom, because you start like, My God, my mom used to say that to me, you know. You start to empathize with your mom, right? He's like, oh, no wonder she was so crazy.

Casey Tabolt  

Yes, it's definitely a fine line that we walk. For sure. Yeah. Like my four year old in particular. She is she is a Spitfire. And there's so much of me that loves that about her. And then there's that the mom side is just like, Girl down. Yeah. Just do what I asked one time, one time, just one time. Right. 

Rita Suzanne  

Right. Right. I now that I have two girls, I completely can understand. I always wanted to have daughters, but I never wanted to get pregnant again after being pregnant twice. Like, you know, after wanting to get pregnant for so long. And then I got pregnant. I was like, This is not not what I expected. This is not fun at all. And you know, so I always wanted three kids and then I was after two I was like, I'm good. And you know, and then I got blessed with my with my two nieces. And you know, so I'm lucky now to have the two daughters and I can see the difference in the two you know, you can see you know, if you don't have a daughter then you can't really I guess have it See, you know, you don't really get it as much as I thought I did you know, because I'm a girl like, like, 

Casey Tabolt  

I grew up with a brother and a dad and I was married to a man. I was like boys like, yeah, they're easy. Oh, and I say it so often now that now my son is starting to repeat it like, well, we're just a different breed. Yeah. 

Rita Suzanne  

Yeah. their needs are so different, you know, 

Casey Tabolt  

and thought processes and yeah, so 

Rita Suzanne  

Okay, we're gonna wrap this up. Now. If anybody wants to find you online, where can they find you?

Casey Tabolt  

They can find me online. My website is caseytabolt.com. I don't know if I should spell it. You should because but I'll put the link down below as well. Okay. Yeah. First Name, Casey Last name is Tabolt.com. I'm also on Instagram at caseytaboltcoaching on Facebook at caseytaboltcoaching and I have a free Facebook group called the undefined Mama. And I do weekly live trainings every Thursday on different topics related to motherhood, I do lots of stuff on self care and authenticity and aligned motherhood and we're starting to get a beautiful little community in there to support moms. 

Rita Suzanne  

Oh, that's awesome. I love that. So you know, we need as much support as we can get. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you so much for for jumping on and telling you know, talking about what it's like to be a mom business owner. 

Casey Tabolt  

Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

Rita Suzanne  

And there you have it. I want to encourage you to remember that being a mom who runs her own business is not easy. we all struggle but just keep moving forward. And don't forget to make time for yourself. As moms we are usually the first thing to go to the bottom of the list. If your business is overwhelming you and you need real solutions, not just some sugar coated suggestions apply to work with me at Rita Suzanne comm slash apply